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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has always been the safe haven in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and milestones, particularly within football. What a delight it was to learn that an online journalist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who took the rest room rather too directly, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget during his peak popularity with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college to use the facilities during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched struggling national team changing area directly following the fixture, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Just a single choice remained. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

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Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, adults, parents, strong personalities with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and distributed some merchandise, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|