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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in small ways. I thought recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?